keeping my lj alive - my new blog site:http://thebeautifulstyle.com/

just here to say hello :) - please livejournla don't delete my account.

I have to update this once a year --- i still want this account - i still want my lj :)

Wow lj - old friend - long time no seen! How you doing? This is now an archive of all my old post. I still love reading this....

My new blog site: lifeasadream

What a week! *phew* Thanks god it Saturday. You see my week ends on a Saturday night and start again on Monday, so yeah I get Sunday off. Fun Fun fun. But work has been busy and I feel like I kind of let you all down by me not posting daily *oops sorry*. I’m here now.

I promise myself I wouldn’t post my first proper blog entry about some rant at work or some girl annoying me but then I thought sod it so I will rant about it. Now I’m sitting here, I don’t want to, I’m having a change of heart, I don’t want a whole blog filled with work rant.

On to other business: I’m having a little bit of a dilemma. I can’t decide what to do about Sunday, I’m having 3 options:

1) Stay at home, be a total geek and flog my clothes on ebay to raise that extra bit of money.

2) Wake up early and go to the gym and having a morning swim, be really knacked after worth and ends having a meal at a pub.

3) Go up to central London and go to John Lewis department store and use some vouchers I have - which will go toward a new ipod I really want or wait till next month.

Part of me thinks I should go with 2) but my heart is kind of into going up to central London. But then again I also want to save my money because I know I won’t have enough to last me the month. Doing 1) is looking lovely but I know I just be really fed up and there no guaranteed anyone would want to buy my crap.

Another reason I’m having this dilemma is, some friends of mine are going on a 4 month ‘world wide’ holiday trip (lucky bitches), and there a leaving drinks and club after worth.
Now the drinks I can handle - but going to a club after worth, hmm that what I can’t decide.
I have a mild case of social anxiety, I’m really shy and I find really hard to talk to someone. I’m trying to fight it; I’m trying to be more confident. My worried is that if I agree to go to this club (which isn’t that far from home but it still a journey) I be left out in the cold, from what I heard loads of peoples are going but my worried is that they would all ignore me or go off with someone else. I feel like it a little outside my little bubble.
Plus I heard even getting in really expensive, I don’t even want to think about how much drinks would cost. And how would I get home, last time I went out to a club -taxi fare was stupidly expensive.
Do I really want to spend all that money and anxiety on one night? But then I don’t want to let my friends down. I can’t decide - I really can’t.

Plus the money I would use if I do decide to go out, I could use to enjoy a night meal or a DVDs with my boyfriend and buy a new ipod.

Advice peoples.

Anyway I hears keys turning into the locks so yay! My boyfriend home. Catch you guys later….

I'm going to post before livejournal go werid on me again and logged me out and refuse to let me back in.

I still really love livejournal. I'm applying for uni now - doing a fashion pr course! :) Yay! at london college of fashion.
Hate my job still. I love children and Richard....

That just a general quick update....till nxt time.

livejournal is going werid on meeeee.... Anyone else having login problem?

Already posted on misscutie.com

Back:

Ok after a nasty sprout of kidney infection and being hospital for too long i’m finallly BACK!!

Just in case you missed me.

Gotta think positive



Ok i need to quit feeling blue. Quit feeling sorry for myself and do something positive. I been cooped up to long inside. Damn that horriable kidney infection making me all bad.

Positive side is i’m still off work. Getting paid for it.

Positive side is i got paid and i can spend! Woo hoo.

Positive side is my health is getting better - i’m sleeping better at night.

Power to positive thinking.

Well my states of mind anyway...

Judging by my last post entry, I was in a very bad mood. I was angry with work more than anything else. I was annoyed how someone has this attitudes with me all last week and I was generally was unhappy, Its all came to head one day and I just felt terrible when I came home. I thought the best way to express how I felt was by writing and I have to admit I did feel a lot better after worth.

I think I feeling like I’m stuck in a mud right now. I'm planning to go to college/uni next year and right now I’m feeling like I’m not progressing at work and wanting a year to go by so I can do my college/uni course.

Its a little light at the end of a tunnel for me which I’m hoping the light will get bigger as the month go on...

I'm also annoyed as I can't find a decent wordpress layout for here! If anyone know of a pretty wp layout/themes let me know! and yes! I have been all through Google thank you!!

That’s all for now. I know I don't write in here much but please stay tune. ♥

I’m bleeding, dying inside, screaming inside my soul! All I want to do is to be free, hate this life in which I’m force to lead. Hold down hostage by society, expecting what everyone expects me to be. Caught up in cooperation politic. Force to live to give men more power. Money is all this world care about. Wake up everyday being tied down by the bleeding pen in which I was forced to sign.
Can anyone hear me screaming? How I’m dying inside. My mind, body and soul being taken away from me. No one care.